tempest in a teacup

the pointless musings of a strange recluse

LOL of the Year

Poor console-to-PC ports are getting annoyingly common these days – Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed (and almost assuredly Prince of Persia since it runs off the same engine) is the most recent one I can think of, but now it looks like Rockstar’s port of Grand Theft Auto IV has joined the club. Apparently the game requires you to be signed in to not only Games for Windows Live, but also something called ‘Rockstar Social Club’ if you want to do any multiplayer matchmaking. On top of that, the performance is terrible, and the game is clearly in a pretty unfinished and buggy state. Here are a few choice quotes from the Steam forums:

“all drivers are upto date and all i get it around 20-25fps, ive spoken to R* about this and they said 20fps is what they class as ‘playable'”

“I am amazed that any company would release a game that requires you to have a computer that can max out Crysis to play it on MEDIUM detail…I would laugh right now if that wasn’t so pathetic.”

“Here’s the problem people have: It doesn’t stack up on the ‘performance to prettiness’ ratio. The visuals are incredibly subpar for the colossal system requirements, and when a rig finally comes along that will run it maxed out at a playable (solid 60) fps; the visuals will be even less impressive when compared to future titles which will not only look better, but run better.”

“I have a 8800GTS 512MB, run crysis on high with no problem, run crysis warhead on highest setting with a solid 30 FPS but in this game I can’t even pick HIGH under texture? The game looks so bad under a benchmark run, there are no detail on the cars, people, the street… I would love to run the game on high and see whats like, with my current setup (Highest setting that I can pick) I average about 38~47 FPS so I see no problem why the hell it won’t let me run the game on high.”

Rockstar’s official explanation is even more pathetic:

Most users using current PC hardware as of December 2008 are advised to use medium graphics settings. Higher settings are provided for future generations of PCs with higher specifications than are currently widely available.

So apparently their engine is so awesome that they included super high resolution textures with the game that can only be displayed on some hypothetical future computer! That must be why they shipped it without SLI support.

One word: BOLLOCKS.

One thing I’ve heard is that the engine is incredibly CPU-intensive (moreso than most Source engine games), and predictably, like so many console-to-PC ports this gen, is terrible at scaling down to single-core processors and, it seems, even dual core processors. But hey, according to Rockstar, it scales up just fine!

On an occasion like this, I would normally rant about how the big publishers treat PC gamers like dirt, but this is honestly way too funny right now. One of Rockstar’s biggest titles, the flagship title for the relaunched Games for Windows Live, has turned into a major embarrassment for Microsoft, Rockstar, Take 2 and SecuROM.

Hopefully the other big publishers are taking notes.

And to top it all off, here’s a hilarious article I found linked off Rock, Paper, Shotgun:
http://hellforge.gameriot.com/blogs/Random-Ravings/20-Easy-Steps-to-Starting-GTA-IV-on-Your-PC

2 comments

2 Responses to “LOL of the Year”

  1. Iie-Kyo says:

    HEY ROCKSTAR.

    MY FRIEND CAPCOM HERE WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A PROPER PC GAME. DEVELOP IT ON THE PC FIRST! ZMG?!1

  2. Doggburner says:

    I definitely agree with lie-Kyo!

    Game made for future PCs? Stupid excuse.

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